


the light of your love

by gracieli



Series: drabbles [4]
Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Bad Parenting, Caring Eddie Diaz, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz, Established Relationship, Insecure Evan "Buck" Buckley, M/M, Phobias, Soft Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Worried Eddie Diaz
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-16
Updated: 2020-09-16
Packaged: 2021-03-06 18:20:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,235
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26493283
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gracieli/pseuds/gracieli
Summary: Eddie learns that Buck is afraid of the dark.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Series: drabbles [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1882507
Comments: 14
Kudos: 233





	the light of your love

**Author's Note:**

  * For [sunflower_writes](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunflower_writes/gifts).



> slowly adding my drabbles from tumblr up here! 
> 
> for the prompt: leaving the light on after using the bathroom at night because they know that you suck at going to bed early but you are also afraid of the dark

One thing he noticed when Buck moved in was that Buck always left the light on in rooms. And it’s really not a big deal, at all - having to turn off the lights after Buck is a small thing compared to the contentment that floats around the house and fills him with warmth now that he’s sharing his space, his life, his everything with Buck. Really, he wouldn’t even bother turning off the lights but it’s a lingering habit from a time when utility bills were always an added source of anxiety.

All to say that it’s a small thing and so he never mentions it. Later, he kind of wishes he had. 

Sometimes he’ll wake up in the middle of the night and find Buck’s side of the bed empty, the sheets wrinkled and cold. The first time it happens, he listens for any sounds from the bathroom and hearing none, pads out to the living room in search of his boyfriend. There he finds Buck stretched out on the couch, reading something on his phone before he notices Eddie and frowns. “What are you doing up?”

Eddie doesn’t really know. He usually sleeps through the night unless he’s torn from his sleep by a nightmare but that wasn’t the case tonight. He just woke up and things felt off. 

He doesn’t know how to explain that, though, so he just shrugs as he makes his way over to his boyfriend, sitting on the floor next to Buck and leaning his head against the couch. “I was gonna ask you that. What are you doing out here?”

Buck shifts on the couch and moves his head so that it rests gently against Eddie’s. “Couldn’t sleep,” he mumbles, “Didn’t wanna wake you.”

He considers his boyfriend for a moment before getting up and gesturing for Buck to make room for him on the couch. Buck smiles softly at him before doing just that, allowing Eddie to curl up beside him and nestle his head against his neck.

“Tell me what you’re reading about,” he says quietly.

Buck uses his free hand to comb through Eddie’s hair. “Mm, you ever heard about the cave of the jaguar god?”

Eddie lets out a soft laugh. “Can’t say that I have.”

So Buck launches into a story about an untouched Mayan ritual cave in Mexico and it’s not long before they’re both nodding off and falling asleep, feeling content and safe in each other’s arms.

It doesn’t happen every night but whenever Eddie wakes without Buck by his side, he seeks him out and joins him in the living room. They stay there, intertwined comfortably on the couch, and it’s never too long before they both fall asleep. 

Still, Eddie doesn’t really know what’s keeping his boyfriend awake or why he always seems more comfortable in the living room than in their bedroom. Buck brushes it off as insomnia every time he asks but he’s not sure about that - Buck has never really had issues with sleep in the past and he’s weirdly dodgy about the whole thing, which sets off a few alarms in Eddie’s mind. 

Things make a bit more sense after three weeks of this routine. 

One night, he’s startled awake by the sound of crying. He’s quick to shake off the fog of disorientation and looks over to see Buck writhing in the sheets, moaning as he clenches the blanket with an agonizingly tight grip. 

“Buck,” he gently urges, “wake up.”

He doesn’t touch his boyfriend, tries to keep his voice level even though he can feel his heart pounding harder and harder the longer Buck stays like this. After another minute of trying to pull Buck from his nightmare with soft reassurances, it finally works. 

Buck shoots up from the bed and his hands immediately fly to the lamp on the nightstand beside him to pull on the cord, choking out a relieved sigh when the room is flooded with warm light. A moment later though, he seems to realize where he is and peers over at Eddie’s side of the bed, wincing when he sees his boyfriend. 

“Sorry,” he whispers with a strangled voice as he reluctantly turns off the lamp, the room becoming drenched in darkness once again. He turns over on his side, facing away from Eddie even though Eddie can still hear his ragged, uneven breaths. 

And he hates this, hates that Buck is so afraid of the idea of inconveniencing Eddie in the slightest that he would rather suffer alone and in the dark. So Eddie doesn’t say anything, just turns on the lamp on his nightstand and lays on his side facing Buck’s back. 

As soon as the lamp flickers on, Buck turns his head to face Eddie and the look of guilt and fear that haunts his eyes twists Eddie’s stomach into a knot. 

“Eddie-” he protests, his voice thick, but Eddie knows where this is going and really doesn’t want to hear him lie about what he needs, so he just leans closer and presses his lips against Buck’s birthmark, bringing up a hand to caress his shoulder. 

“It’s okay, Buck,” he says firmly.

And he means it. Eddie really doesn’t mind sleeping with some light - besides the gunshot wounds, PTSD, and broken marriage, he also walked away from the army with the ability to sleep in the most uncomfortable conditions. A little bit of light is nothing to Eddie - even if it were something, he’d still insist on keeping it on. 

At Eddie’s reassurance, he can feel Buck relax against him, the tension gradually seeping from his form. A few moments pass until he takes Eddie’s hand from his shoulder and clutches it to his chest, wrapping Eddie around himself. 

They stay like that for a long while as Eddie waits for Buck’s breath to even out. He almost thinks that Buck is asleep until he raises their interlocked hands and kisses Eddie’s knuckles, his lips barely grazing Eddie’s skin. 

“‘love you,” he whispers softly against Eddie’s hand. After that, it’s not long before he finally succumbs to sleep and Eddie is quick to follow. 

From that point on, Eddie makes sure to leave the bathroom door cracked open so that there’s always a sliver of light. He doesn’t mention it, or Buck’s fear of the dark; he knows that this isn’t something Buck can handle being called attention to, not yet at least. He trusts that Buck will talk about it when he’s ready, so Eddie gives him the time he needs. He leaves it alone but continues to leave the lights on in the bathroom and in the hallway, and it helps. He notices that the nights that Buck disappears to the living room drop off and Buck begins to sleep through more and more nights. 

At some point, Buck eventually tells him how he had been terrified of the dark as a child, how his parents refused to buy him a nightlight or allow him to keep any lights on and how that only made things worse, only left him with a fear he’s never been able to fully shake even years later. He confesses all of this with a slight twinge of embarrassment, but Eddie doesn’t judge him and never has, never will. He loves Buck, fears and all, and Eddie will spend his whole life proving that to him.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you guys liked it! if you leave kudos/comments, i WILL love you forever
> 
> if you wanna say hi or prompt anything, i'm @gracieli on tumblr!


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